Karma.........

Thats all. KARMA!

Jamie

That is her name. The "new" other woman. Yep I found out Friday night that Tyson has himself another girlfriend. Lots of talking and texts just like the last time. I am so stupid. I am that woman who believed people could change. I believed he loved me. Now I know I was nothing to him. I am sick of feeling like this. Why do I still love him and hate him all at the same time? I cant be that woman anymore. He has ruined our marriage and my trust for pretty much everyone else. There is no way I could ever marry again. I was in pain with high blood pressure and on my way to the hospital. I couldn't get a hold of him because he was on a date with this Jamie girl. I want to punch them both! I am losing everything and he doesnt care!

Another day....

So he is being really nice. Not sure why, not sure i care. It is really weird though. I stay in the bedroom after the girls go to bed and he stays downstairs. It seems like he wants me to act like nothing is going on which i do with the girls around. I cant always walk around with the smile and chipperness. He sends me texts telling me to have a good day like he cares if I actually have a good day. If he does care if I have a good day then why the hell is he doing this? He is always telling me to sit and relax, and I need to but I don't want to relax then have him throw i in my face later to say I am lazy and a horrible mother. I am watching my back. I know how his family is and I dont put it past them to use whatever they can to make me be the bad person. I am watching every step I make around them. My kids are all I have. I will fight for them no matter what.
I have another Dr. appt Wed. It is for my Blood pressure and to check my blood sugar. I dont want him to go to anymore appts with me. Sometimes i think I dont even want him the delivery room but then I rethink it and realize i might actually need him in there. then I get stubborn and tell myself I dont need him or anyone else. I guess we will see what happens and how I m feeling at the time

One step at a time....

So I have made the first step to moving on. I took over mine and Haileys phones so we didnt have to be on the family plan with Tyson anymore. He doesnt have to worry about our stuff anymore. I am not trying to be harsh or mean but I have to start taking these steps now. Maybe it will make it easier this time. Last time I didnt do a whole lot to separate myself from him. Yes, I did move out and get my own place but we still shared everything. One of the harder things i will have to do is stop wearing my ring. I may continue to wear part of it at work....freaky truck drivers dont need to know I am single...nasty! I will be wearing it at least until the baby is born. I may have to just buy myself something nice to replace it. I need to find a car so I dont have to pay the high car payment of the toyota. I like that car but cheaper will be better for sure. Easier said than done. Not sure what the next step will be but hopefully it will get easier with each step.